Weighted
by ELR
Summary: Sorry, more angst. Contains verbal confirmation of child abuse. Not actual scenes of it, because while i can write it, i really don't want too.


**Weighted**

**Author:** Eden Lee Raven

**Rating:** NC-17 for child abuse

**Pairing:** Fuffy

**Notes:** Takes place in Boston, Buffy and Faith are already together. It's a Faith past piece, with a lil twist in it towards the end.

*

"I wanna know you." When I look at her she's got this earnest look on her face. Like nothing I could ever tell her'd change how she feels about me. Anger boils up anyway.

"You don't wanna know that shit."

"I do. There's this whole section of you I don't know about, and I want to."

"Know what B? That this scar," I turn my back to her slightly and point to a line scar on the small of my back. "it isn't surgery. That the fucker **stabbed** me. You don't wanna know that shit!" when I turn back to her she's got this expression, like she'd happily hunt whoever it was down, and kill them slowly.

A small part of me recognises that look for what it is, and a thrill'd shoot through me at the thought that someone cares that much. But the anger's taken me over, so I ignore it.

"You don't wanna know that shit!" on the last word I lash out and put my fist into the wall. I expect her to do the girlie thing, and ask why I'm being such a bitch and cry because of it. She doesn't. She runs the palm of her hand over my cheek, down my neck, over my arm, and gently pulls my fist from the hole I've made in the wall.

She leads me to the bathroom and runs my bleeding knuckles under the tap. She speaks to me as she's cleaning the blood from my skin.

"There is **nothing** you could ever do, that'd stop me loving you." She takes a bandage from the first aid kit and starts wrapping my knuckles. She doesn't look at me the whole time, not even once. I'm grateful for that. The last time someone watched as I cried, I almost put my fist through their face. "We've been together three years, and all I've learnt about you is your last name. How am I supposed to love all of you, if the picture's not complete?"

When she's done I take her hand and lead her back into the bedroom. I let her go only to put a shirt on over my vest and grab the car keys. Then I meet her eyes. I don't say anything, I don't think I could even if I tried. My throat's too tight, my heart's pumping way too fast.

As she grabs her jacket she catches my eyes again, there's no hesitancy to her movements. She knows now that whatever it is I gotta show her isn't pleasant. She doesn't care. If I have something to show her, she's gonna be there.

She's always there.

*

We're parked up in a trailer park, watching a trailer that's got dirty brown walls and cracked windows. We haven't spoken since we left the motel room.

Just then a greasy looking guy comes out of the trailer. He's tall with dark brown hair, he's put on weight. His belly hangs over his belt and the t-shirt he's wearing looks like it hasn't been washed in… ever.

I start talking. "Wade. He married his sweetheart straight outta high school, and for a while they were a happy baby-making factory. One night she goes to get a glass of water from the kitchen. On her way back she hears noises from her eldest daughters room. When she opens the door, her world falls apart. Turns out he has a thing for young girls. He's got their daughter bent over the bed and he's so wrapped up, he doesn't notice her until she smashes that glass over his head an' knocks him clean out. Then she gets all her kids together, and she runs."

"How d'you know all this?"

I feel a single tear roll down my cheek and take a deep breath before turning to her. I lock eyes with her and give her the full force of my tear soaked eyes, so full of pain.

"Because you never forget your first fuck." A soft gasp escapes her, but she doesn't turn away from the pain chasing across my face. We sit there for a while, eyes locked as I contemplate giving her more. She isn't overloaded, she's angry. Before she has a chance to get out the car, I dial a number into my cell and wait for it to be picked up on the other end.

"Miss me?" I hold the phone away from my ear as I get a squealed reply. "Everyone up? I'll be there in half an hour. Bringing my girlfriend. Alright. See you in a bit."

I snap the phone shut and send her a weak smile, squeezing her hand softly before turning around and starting the car again. "Ready to see how far the rabbit hole goes?"

*

When we walk into the house everyone turns to look at us and I catch B's eye.

"I'm the eldest of eight." I see her eyes flicker around the room as she counts everyone there.

"But… there's eight already here." I flick my eyes to Clair and give a nod of my head. A small smile crosses her lips as she leans down and wakes the nine year old curled in her lap asleep.

"Reagan. Wake up babe. Someone's here to see you." She wakes up and rubs her eyes, giving Clair a look. My sister smiles softly to her and nods her head in my direction. When Reagan spots me she jumps off Clair's lap as if she was never asleep and runs right to me.

"Mama!" and then she's in my arms and all is right with my world again. I close my eyes and hold her a little tighter. Eight years has been too long, and everyday I felt like a piece of me was missing. This piece.

I open my eyes and stand up with her still in my arms, nodding towards the stairs as I catch B's eyes. Time to put my baby to bed, and watch her sleep for a little while, like I haven't done since she was one, and my world got turned even more upside down, more than it already was.

*

I run my fingers through Reagan's hair while she sleeps. I don't take my eyes from her as I start talking.

"Few weeks before we ran, Wade said he was takin' me on a campin' trip to celebrate my entrance into womanhood. He drove to the edge of Boston and took me into a house full of his friends. They pasted me around like a party favour." I tuck a lock of hair behind Reagan's ear, brushing my knuckles over her cheek, before turning and catching B's eyes with mine. "I never knew which one was her father. But she looks like me, so I didn't care. Still don't. A year after she was born I got called." A mirthless smile crosses my face. "An' I dealt with my issues in a really unhealthy way."

"I always knew there was a piece of you missing." I nod, taking her hand as I looked down at my sleeping daughter again.

"Now I'm here B, I don't think I can leave her again." The words choke in my throat as I whisper them.

"No one said you had too. The question is Faith, will you let me stay?" a jolt goes through me and I turn to look at her. My mouth's hanging open. She wants to stay? Even knowing everything, knowing I have a child, seven sisters, even under the weight of what happened to me? "It took us five and a half years to find each other like we were supposed to. I'm not walking away. Not knowing about Reagan, not even knowing what he did to you. Although, if I ever run into him, I so can't be held responsible for what I'll do to him."

A laugh escapes me and I squeeze her hand tightly. "If ya think ya can put up with my sisters."

She rolls her eyes at me and squeezes my hand back. "I doubt anyone'll be as much trouble as you Fai." We both chuckle at that.

Never a truer word said.


End file.
